Sex. To wait or not to wait.

"Don't have sex before you're married. Sex before marriage is a sin. Remain sexually pure! Don't even get close to the grey area when it comes to your boyfriend. Wait until your wedding night to have sex and you will be blessed. The devil lives in the basement (and all dark areas)"... these are all things I heard growing up in my church youth group.

This all started around 11 years old, the year I transferred from the kids ministry to the youth group. At age 11 I MADE SURE to NOT sit next to a boy in class. At age 12 I started figuring out that boys really DID NOT have cooties. At age 13 I had my first real crush. At age 14 I was fully interested in boys. Age 15 I wanted a boyfriend really really bad. At age 16 I finally went on a date and went to prom with someone I had been crushing on for years. (MY LIFE HAD BEEN MADE!) By 17... I still had not held a boys hand, had not had my first kiss yet, and making out was something I only saw in the movies. That was until I met a guy named Mike. I had been praying and praying to God that he would send me the perfect guy and it seemed to me that he had just walked into my church. 

Mike and I became boyfriend and girlfriend and that is when it all began. "I don't know how to kiss and my hands are too sweaty for him to hold. Cuddle? What is cuddling? Should I go in his bedroom? I mean... his mom is home? The basement... well the devil lives there so... can I go down there with Mike? The grey area... what in the world does that mean?" All these thoughts were running through my head!

I was given bible verse after bible verse explaining to me WHY I COULD NOT HAVE SEX before I was married. I was told that your body was to be hidden and saved for your husband. I was told kissing would lead to "other things." OTHER THINGS?! What does that mean?! "But once your married... the marriage bed in undefiled." Um... okay. So what now? 

Well I will be the first to tell you that NO... you should not go into your boyfriend's bedroom even if their parents are home. Kissing usually DOES lead to other things. And in time... those "other things" get boring and then THAT leads to more "other things." The devil really does live in the basement and any other area you and your boyfriend can find that leaves you all alone (dark or not). Cuddling... well that is just a launching pad to start making out during movies and well... we all know making out leads to more "other things" we most likely shouldn't be doing before we are married. 

So what now? To wait or not to wait? WILL I BE BLESSED if I wait until I am married? Will sex not hurt because I waited? 

Back to my first boyfriend Mike. We were together 9 years before we got married. I felt guilty as could be anytime we did anything more than a goodbye kiss. Could we get SUPER CLOSE to the grey area without me getting struck down from heaven by lightning? Could we do "everything BUT sex" and not feel guilty? The answer was no. My Christianity, my faith, my love for God, and also my love for my dad and his view of me (not to mention I had a wonderful boyfriend who never pressured me into having sex) helped me stay sexually pure until I was married. 

Many people think that if they stay "pure" until marriage that people will look at them differently or people won't treat them the same as other people. They will be called a "prude" or get made fun of. I personally was very proud of my choice to stay sexually pure. During my undergrad at a local University I would always get crazy looks when I openly shared about my sexual purity with my boyfriend... but it never hindered people's reactions towards me. Some people wouldn't believe me, other christians would high-five me, and other people would flat out tell me what I was missing.

All the sudden Mike and I were engaged and preparing for our wedding (and wedding night) and all I could think about was... "everyone will know I am no longer a virgin." A huge grin would spread across my face as I knew I would FINALLY (after 9 long years) get to sleep with my husband. 

Many people thought (and heard growing up in church) that if you waited until your wedding night it would feel wonderful and never hurt or be awkward. They have also heard that if you wait until marriage that your marriage will be perfect (because you waited). They are wrong. It may hurt, it most likely will be awkward, it may be messy, weird, NAKED, crazy, the best thing you've ever experienced, who knows because EVERYONE'S first experience is different. But I can tell you one thing... if you marry someone you love, those awkward moments turn into the best memories you could ever have! And the best part is? Knowing it's something only you and your husband share. You guys will start a new inside joke the night of your wedding as a married couple. 

Marriage is WORK. It is awesome, and fun, and crazy, and a new experience... but it is work. Love is hard work, commitment, and compromise. But the best part of it all is entering into marriage under the covenant of the Lord and making sure He is the center of your marriage. AND THAT is something He wants to bless! 

Sound Mind > Fear.

God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and a sound mind. 

This has been something God has been speaking to me these past few weeks. It has been playing over and over in my head. Why? Sometimes in life we imagine in our heads what we THINK we are going to go through. We talk ourselves into being scared, we talk ourselves into having a fear mentality, and we talk ourselves into being anxious. With this playing in our heads... it keeps us from being filled with God's rest and it keeps us from finding peace in our situations. We stress out about what COULD happen instead of resting in what God has planned for us. 

God has given us POWER, God has given us LOVE, and God has given us a SOUND MIND.

In you situations, in your finances, in your sicknesses, in your family, in your relationships... receive that sound mind. Whatever it is that you are going through... draw on the strength of God to get you through. Fall into His rest and drown yourself in His grace.

Casting Crowns.

That one day I was asked to open for Casting Crowns...

I freaked out a little bit inside.

Asked if they were serious (was someone playing a joke on me)?

Had a minor panic attack (okay not really but it felt like it).

Went into fierce mode (I like things planned out).

Started planning, texting, calling, scheduling.

Thanked God for His awesome blessings!
Perfect timing to perform Incessant Love for the 1st time!

Thought about what I could wear (yes, I can sometimes be girly).

Here are some photos from the day of the Concert. ENJOY!

Sound Check.

Cupcake to Start my Day / Dad
Friends from NYC / Merch Girls.

My Husband. My Biggest Supporter
for over a DECADE!

The Band. I get the pleasure of playing
with these guys every week at church.

Megan & Melodee // Casting Crowns.

Candid Camera.

The Band Opening Casting Crowns.

Red Beaded Cami $19 / Forever 21

Black Beaded Jacket $60 / H&M

Black Slacks $25 / H&M

Black Banded Heels $37 / Jennifer Lopez

Freedom vs. Control.

In lieu of the 4th of July I wanted to talk about FREEDOM! This is a short post. Many people think that long lengthy posts are the absolute best. They just have so much great information!..... Well as much as I like to talk, I like to keep some things short and sweet. Straight to the point.

Most people like to be in control. We don't normally like to just hand our lives over to someone else. It's not a natural feeling to feel OUT of control. We like to decide what we are going to do, when we are going to do it, and HOW we will do it. "BE IN CONTROL" is what our inner man screams at us. 

Now the Bible says... where the Spirit of the Lord is there is FREEDOM. How can we experience full freedom if we cannot let go of control? 

free·dom:

the quality or state of being exempt or released usually from something onerous 

By experiencing God's freedom we actually have the ability to be released from something burdensome, difficult, hard, etc... THAT IS AWESOME! So many times we are in control of our lives but it's actually causing our life to be OUT of control. Let his Spirit give you FREEDOM! Don't do life alone. 

Headband $7 ThePetiteHarper

Church Girls.

What is a Church Girl? Some would say... a girl who goes to church. Ya, I guess that could constitute as a Church Girl. But it goes further than that.

My whole life I grew up in church. I grew up being at the church pretty much most every day of the week. When I would watch TV shows or movies that would have "churchy" people in them I could never relate. I didn't wear long skirts, I didn't have long hair, I dyed my hair, I wore makeup, I LOVED fashion, short shorts & tanks, and I was NEVER considered the quiet conservative one. That always had me wondering... why are churchy people portrayed different in the media?

A few years back I was able to host a TV show called "Church Girls." The show was about youthful, driven, successful, and motivated women who have an active relationship with God and are deeply committed to the local church. The premise of the show was to demonstrate that you can live in the world and not be swayed by the things of the world. We were normal girls living normal lives, and are passionately in love with the Lord.

That is a Church Girl. I want girls to know there is more to life than seeking the attention of boys. There is more to life than dressing sexy and trying to get people to look places well... that they shouldn't be looking. There is more to life than drinking so you can have a good time. There is a life out there that is SO MUCH FUN and includes having an active relationship with The Lord! 

I always hear young adult girls say "but how do I have fun when hanging around a bunch of church people? Well... maybe you have only seen the church girls portrayed in the media. Give God a chance! Give church a chance. Give Christian living a chance! I promise... you can have fun, dress fashionable, be outspoken, loud, chaotic, crazy, successful, popular, & have the time of your life while still serving God and pursuing His plans for you.

Don't think the mistakes of the past will hold you back. Don't think that in order to be a Church Girl you had to grow up perfect and you never make mistakes. A Church Girl understands that we will have struggles, we won't be perfect, & we will have temptations BUT... we have a family, at church, waiting to help us through. We will have a family, at church, who will continue to speak life in our lives and remind us of the awesome plans God has for us. We have a family to be a part of that is so in love with God.

Be in love with God. Live in the world but make a difference in the world. Be a Church Girl! 

Summer Lovin

So I am trying a little something different. I love clothes and getting great deals so I thought I would share a few of my favorites with you! I love summer. The sun, the warm summer nights, ice cream, volleyball, jumping in the lake, 412 summer events, and of course… summer clothes. With the love of clothes, I find myself having a battle in my mind of “to buy or not to buy.” I love clothes but I don’t love pricey clothes. I love to shop but I don’t love spending all of my money of clothes. So here are a couple of my summer must haves. All under $40. 

Headband $8 Tilly

Sandals $30 Target

Bells $40 Tilly's

Sunnies $10 Tilly's

Happy Happy // Joy Joy

Happy \ˈha-pē\:  feeling pleasure and enjoyment because of your life, situation, etc.

Joy \ˈjȯi\:  a source or cause of great happiness

As you can see by the definitions... there is a distinct difference between happiness and joy. HAPPINESS is temporary and is caused by temporary things or temporary situations and JOY is the source of happiness. The Lord wants to fill us with JOY! He doesn't want to just give us a temporary happiness that is able to dwindle away with every bad or hard situation we go through. He wants to fill us with SUCH JOY that when we go through difficult, hard, or uncomfortable situations we can search deep inside of us and find and unending JOY that He has filled us with that helps us get through those situations. 

It says in Nehemiah that THE JOY OF THE LORD IS YOUR STRENGTH! His joy is literally our strength. Strength to withstand life, strength to overcome, strength to be diligent, strength to stand firm in your beliefs, and strength to live a life fully committed to the ways of the Lord. His JOY is our strength.

Today... choose JOY! We shouldn't let ourselves get caught up in the things of life that cause temporary happiness or a high that only lasts weeks, days, or even hours. Choose The Lord and when you choose Him... sorrow may last for the night but JOY comes in the morning. 

Peace.

Lima, Peru.

Lima Peru // May 2010

A trip that changed my life.

Colossians 3:15 Let the peace of God rule in your hearts. This is the verse that spoke to me on this trip that forever changed my life.

Have you ever had that one thing you did in life when looking back on it you think… WHAT WAS I THINKING? I think we all do. And when looking back on it, we most likely were not thinking much. We most likely made a choice based on emotions and “got caught up in the moment.” I found myself in Lima, Peru thinking that exact thing. What was I thinking and what do I do now?

I always love to travel because I love getting myself away from constant internet, friends, my phone & iPad, Netflix, etc… even if just for several days. It is a way to just get reconnected with God and His presence and find time to just dig into His word. I end up having more time on my hands without other distractions. Usually the times I travel are where I have most of my life defining moments with God. It is a time when He speaks to me direction for my life and ministries I am involved in. Then I come back to Michigan feeling refreshed and on fire again.

I remember someone giving me a tiny journal to keep my thoughts and it was perfect for traveling. So I would, each day, spend time with the Lord and write down the thoughts and things going through my head in that time I spent with Him. This particular trip I left Michigan feeling confused and heavy. Not only was I just starting my Masters Degree the same day I landed in Peru, but also I had several other important decisions that had to be made when I returned from Peru. I was feeling down, to say the least. Every day I was praying and writing in this journal trying to figure out what to do. I am usually a pretty upbeat and happy person but this trip was different. Even one of the Pastors traveling with us could tell something was wrong. I opened up a little bit to him about the situation but still felt conflicted in my heart. After 5 days of praying about what I should do I still didn’t know. The last day I was talking to another person who went on the trip about what was going on and I wanted his advice. He told me it was a choice that I myself had to make but he said… “Let the peace of God rule in your heart.” That was the verse that changed my life. I made the choice I knew inside I was supposed to make. And the only way I could have made that choice was by letting God’s peace rule in my heart.

See, many of us go through tough situations in life, things that we don’t understand, and hard choices that we have to make. But we have to decide one thing… will we let God’s peace guide us? Will we get caught up in the emotions of things and feel down and heavy? Or will we seek His face and search for an unspeakable peace and rest for our situation?

God has a peace He wants to give you. Search for it and let it rule in your heart. 

Be-YOU-tiful.

You are beautiful. YOU are beautiful. You ARE beautiful. You are BEAUTIFUL.

So many girls LONG to hear this phrase.  So many girls actually DO hear this phrase. But what’s really important is believing this phrase. Song of Solomon says… you are all together beautiful, my darling, there is no flaw in you. Take that verse. Believe that verse. And own that verse. YOU reading this… are beautiful. YOU reading this have been chosen specifically by God Himself. YOU reading this have potential; a call, talent, beauty, and you are amazing.

Pop culture these days have created an image that many girls strive to be. Tall, skinny, collarbones protruding, a gap between your thighs, long luscious hair, sun-kissed skin, a new outfit everyday, and the list goes on and on. How do we achieve this? Wear high heels everyday until we get bunions and back problems, never eat because, well that’s the only way to be that skinny, exercise until we cannot even breathe or walk anymore, go tanning until we get a precancerous spot on our skin, and spend our entire pay checks on clothes! We don’t need to pay the important bills right? So I ask again… how do we achieve this? It’s impossible! I could also suggest walking around with a “photoshopped” photo of yourself in your hand and convincing people you really do look perfect. Because… anyone can look perfect when “photoshoppped.” Or I could suggest spending 30 minutes everyday trying to get the perfect selfie to post on your Facebook and Instagram. Or I could suggest something that is actually possible for you to do.

It is possible to see us the way God sees us. It is possible to not look to other people for compliments and approval, but look to God for HIS approval. Know this… He approves of you, He thinks you’re beautiful, He loves you much more than anyone could ever love you! And that is what really matters. Be-YOU-tiful. Because that's who God created you to be. 

BE YOU! It's Who God Created You To Be.

I am weird. I know.

Have you ever had the sense that someone was judging you? Have you ever felt like someone was always comparing himself or herself to you? They probably were. It’s life. What do we do about it? Nothing. Why? Because God’s perspective on our lives is way more important than other people’s thoughts on our lives. Each and every one of us was created for a specific purpose, plan, and calling and no one else can fulfill it. And with that being said... you're different from everybody else. And that's a good thing.

I grew up a PK. If you do not know what a PK is, it is a Pastor’s Kid. Who really knows what that means? No one. People always try and put other people into categories. They think, well you’re a pastor’s kid so you go in this box or... you’re from this income family so I will put you in this box. Our life, for sure, has an impact on how we grow up but it does not have to shape us into what we become. I am a firm believer that God uses those things so we can learn from them but, by no means, plans to put us in a box and keep us there the rest of our lives. 

Back to being a PK, which has absolutely no meaning at all. My father is a Pastor of a mega church close to Detroit, Michigan. I remember him telling me something really important one time when I was concerned about my role and responsibility in the church. I was concerned about what people thought of me, and also what they thought of my role in the church. 

He said, “Do you know what God has called you to do?” 

I responded “yes.” 

He said, “Are you doing it?” 

I said “yes.” 

He said back to me “as long as you know you are doing what God has called you to do that is all that matters.” 

That stuck with me. That was so important to me and so moving inside my spirit that I will never forget it. So many times we are worried what others think about what we are doing and how they view us, that we forget the call that God has on our life. 

Who are you? Where are you from? What do you look like? Well honestly... I don't care and neither should you. All that matters is you are a child of God. That is who you are. That is where your identity should be found. 

Jeremiah 1:5 Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.

Psalms 139:13 For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother's womb. 

Never let those verses leave your heart and never get caught up in what others think or say about you. You are you and that is exactly who God created you to be. So be it. Know you are a child of God and ask God to give you eyes to see from HIS perspective. It's the best perspective.. ever. 

412 Exposed

I remember someone once asking me... "Do you think you will ever preach?" I laughed and answered "unless God strikes me down from heaven... NO." That was at the beginning of 2010. Within a month in my prayer time I kept feeling like God had filled me with something to say and I was supposed to say it. As I was reading the bible I came across a verse 1 Timothy 4:12 Let no one despise your youth but be an example to the believers in word, conduct, love, spirit, faith, and purity. I loved that scripture and posted it to my Facebook. A week later my Pastor, Boss, & Dad walked into my office and said he had received a new vision for our young adult ministry and wanted me to head it up. I freaked out a little bit inside. My eyes got wide and I asked... why me? He said, well I really like the verse that you put on your Facebook and think you would be a great face to the ministry. Although I didn't know what it would fully entail, as always, I said yes. I am a fan of starting new things, changing things up, and basically doing whatever needs to be done (especially in the things of The Lord). So with that being said we started along on working out a plan to kickstart this new ministry. At first I just kind of MC'ed Sunday nights. Although inside I felt the desire to speak, I never mentioned that to anyone. As I said before... God would have to strike me from heaven to make that happen. Along with the desire welling up inside of me, Pastor Loren asked me to speak the following month. With shaky and sweaty hands and my heart beating super fast... I did it! It was a crazy experience and I loved every minute of it! I knew this is what I was supposed to do.

Almost 4 years later, we as a young adult group, have been striving to be exactly who God has called us to be. With 1 Timothy 4:12 in mind... we are pressing forward in the plans and purposes of God. My burden is to see a generation, my generation, rise up and take their place in the plans and purposes of God. No matter how hard, how uncomfortable, or how unprepared we may feel... for this generation to say YES to His call!

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